Available in booklet form. Just send me an email to introduce yourself and let me know you want one for the cost of shipping ($5).

*Originally published for the Poetry Slut Rodeo email and snail mail out in September 2024. Bandera, TX.

1st Ed. phallic poetry sculptures completed during Flower Shop Art Residency in June 2025. Brownsville, TX.

Reprint for ALMOST PUBLIC / SEMI-EXPOSED 10 at Artist Television Access Window Gallery in December 2025. San Francisco, CA.

My imaginary dick is noble, it is strong, it gives me pleasure and brings me confidence each time I stroke it and think: I’m gonna cum all over the state of Texas, fuck it, I’m gonna cum all over the world.

My inner dick has always been a part of me.

I’m a pretty tough cookie with a deep love for manual labor and all work that requires muscle, sweat, grunting. Testosterone levels, high.

I’ve built cabins in Texas. I can lay tile and stucco your home by myself. I’ve raised goats in Upstate New York, been a butcher’s assistant in Austin, and worked as a cabinet maker in Red Hook. I wear my cuts and scrapes with pride. I secure 2 x 4s in the bed of a truck with confidence.

I’ll mow your lawn and drink the tea your girlfriend offers me.

And if she makes it an Arnold Palmer, I’ll fuck her before you get home from the ATM with my day’s wages.

I grew up with a cunty body, but only later in life learned how to honor the so-called feminine energy.

Goddess this, luna that, steam your twats, let go of thoughts… and the water, intuition and stars—I went all in. And with all those practices of the soft body and energetic fields, my imaginary dick got soft too. 

I was wet…with all the tears I finally cried after years of silenced traumas and fears of not being good enough. I was tender, small, and in the process of being reborn as the woman I really was supposed to be.

For a hot minute (ages 29-36), I had forgotten completely about my imaginary dick I grew up with and, to a large extent, had learned to depend on.

---

I do not prescribe to the divisions and definitions of masculine or feminine, however I do have distinct relationships with myself that flow between these different concepts of identity.

I enjoy entering the realms of genitalia-based assumptions to take what society has created and fuck it all up by doing what feels right for me. 

I’m fascinated by our emotional relationships to our sex. How they subconsciously guide us for better or for worse and how, when played with, can become an impetus for change and liberation.

I love my pussy. How it can get wet from a stranger’s gaze that hits just right or the sound of your voice reading a poem. I love my clit and how it gets engorged when physically stimulated (like a couple nights ago under the harvest moon). 

But this time (as opposed to masturbation month), I’m obsessed with the penis—the physical properties of it getting hard, ejaculating and putting on a show, fitting into holes both metaphorically and literally for more ease and pleasure. 

Much of this intrigue is directly related to my juxtaposed sexperience of growing up in a small town. 

A place where we never talked about sex and I learned about the penis from reading the encyclopedia…and from getting a contact dick-energy education by being a girl with guy friends but never BOYfriends.

In school and those horrible church camps my dad made me go to, we were taught that girls were to be humble, charming, decent, inviting and outgoing in the right kind of nice lady way. 

No wonder I had always wished I were a man when I was a teenager and woman in my twenties.

I had never let myself be hard out loud without later feeling guilty, ashamed, or like I was disappointing the world.

---

So really, I had cultivated a false ideal of “feminine” energy as a child and then had to go back and do it all over again as a woman and all the while, quieting my dick energy or feeling ashamed at having it! JESUS CHRIST.

With all this cultivation of “feminine” outward energy, I got soft, soft, softer, my emotional dick shriveled UNTIL…

JUST RECENTLY when I saw a

GODLY figure appear through CROSS-

CONTINENTAL CUMMUNICATIONS 

and TELE-EROTIC PATHWAYS…

and I started to get wet AND hard again.