Originally written on July 24th. Shortly after, IXHL plummeted and left a lot of folks holding the bag. I held for a week before deciding to sell remaining shares.

In my often misguided efforts to make money without having to work, I have lost more than I have gained. 

However, within that same framework of slightly delusional and obsessive research and action, I have gained more experience and direction towards a more exciting and fulfilling life than if I had stuck to living by the books.

Yesterday brought me to the present. A rise and fall into reality. A parabola of emotions.

I awoke to my penny stock finally breaking the $1 limit and saw high trade volume from the open. 

Since my greed got the best of me with the OPEN craze, leaving me to miss out on the opportunity to get some good profit in the short term, I vowed to make a few changes to how I invest. 

If my share prices soar, I sell what it takes to get back my initial investment and then let the rest keep working.

Now, I want to get this out here, the way I am investing now is not how I would be doing it if I had more than $200 to play with. I’d be making smarter moves with fewer shorts and setting myself up for 10 year gains. 

But I am coming out of a deep financial hole triggered by marriage and divorce, so I am working with what I can and making my own rules. Goal: Quick money off of undervalued stocks and risky bets to funnel profits into an index fund.

The IXHL shares were moving up. I drank my coffee and watched the charts. I watched the volume. All signs pointed to a potentially happy near future. I wanted to wait. I wanted more money. But I am a woman of my word.

I hit sell. Sure, the price continued to go up but at least I could be proud of my less risky behavior and know that whatever happens in the clinical trial outcomes, I will not lose anything.

The day was supposed to be short and sweet, like my stocks.

Morning work, annual check up with the gyno, back to home, write some poetry.

But life, nor the stocks, work just like you expect them to.

I’m lying on my back.

My legs are spread open.

The doctor is pointing out something on the screen that is large and attached to my right ovary.

I should go get blood tests run.

I should also get a general check up.

I am embarrassed because I had let 5 years pass without visiting a doctor once.

I am ashamed because I had treated my body so poorly two plus years ago when I was drinking myself into oblivion, smoking myself to rot, starving myself to death because the little money I had went to my vices.

I am faced with the reality that I am mortal and things can go wrong.

Luckily, with the earlier sell of shares, I had enough money to be able to go get blood tests run and find out if that little mass was benign or malignant. If I had not cashed in that morning, I would’ve had to wait for my next paycheck two weeks later.

I got my blood drawn. I felt numb. Perhaps because I was so scared and the adrenaline was too much to handle. My body stayed calm. Whatever happens will be and I will figure out how to work with it.

6 hours later I receive a text.

Results I could not decipher.

The doctor stated: it’s benign. Come in next week so we can talk about your options for removing it.

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Today I woke up exhausted. My body finally felt the effects of suppressed fear from yesterday. I checked the stocks. IXHL is still rising. I’m glad I sold enough for yesterday. Now we wait and see what happens next.